Boundary Quilt Block — Women’s Health & Wellness Quilt

 
“Your personal boundaries protect the inner core of your identity and your right to choices.”

― Gerald Manley Hopkins

It feels good to feel to be part of a community but we need to set healthy boundaries.

Setting boundaries is a way of caring for myself. It doesn’t make me mean, selfish, or uncaring (just) because I don’t do things your way. I care about me, too.

– Christine Morgan

“Givers need to set limits because takers rarely do.”

– Rachel Wolchin

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Sometimes to keep ourselves safe we need to set healthy boundaries in life. For instance we don’t want to drive next to a swerving vehicle. We would slow down and keep our distance to not put our selves in danger.

Shoo Fly don’t follow ME! Yes! This is a bank safe! That’s the inspiration behind the Boundary Quilt Block! Healthy boundaries impact our health & wellness as women! Did you know you can set boundaries with someone without them even knowing? Setting healthy boundaries keeps you safe. My husband’s family law firm bought a bank building with a safe in it.

One day Cory’s brother asked Cory to lock him in the safe to see if it worked. The safe securely locked but the safe combination didn’t work! His brother was locked in for about 8 hours!

Can you find the lime green, turquoise, red & grey Shoofly (Churn Dash) Quilt Block?

Healthy Boundaries with family, friends, work, co-workers, neighbors, children, grandchildren, animals, exes & yourself too! Setting healthy boundaries doesn’t have to be verbalized – you just live it. For instance, if I had a friend that wasn’t truthful, I could still be a friend but set healthy boundaries that I don’t repeat anything said & probably don’t share anything to make myself vulnerable.

Sometimes we might feel frustration but that’s a self serving signal to possibly set healthier boundaries or expectations from others or ourselves. We have those feelings for a reason but just say, “Shoo fly don’t bother me and create some healthy boundaries”.

You don’t have to make an issue with another person setting boundaries. Just politely live your boundaries. People will feel safe as we are consistent with our boundaries. And we will feel safe too!

This week let’s study boundaries for our personal health & wellness. Now what are some healthy boundaries with health, others or self?

“Stop asking why they keep doing it and start asking why you keep allowing it.”

Sometimes we need to set healthy boundaries so we can rest or relax. That is not selfish but allows us to refuel. What are healthy ways to say no to someone? That can give us a huge wave of anxiety to say “no” to someone. The best thing I have learned is to just say no, a simple no. For instance, if someone asks me to do something that I can’t do, then I just politely say, “I wish I could, but I can’t. I’m sorry.” Or I simply say, “I’m so sorry, I can’t. I don’t give them any reason why I can’t. That’s a boundary that I set for myself a long time ago. I found that my excuse or reason to not participate may not be part of their value system or be considered any excuse at all. They are in urgency mode and believe their matter is very important and supersedes anything else. I don’t believe in giving excuses, I just simply and politely say “No”. You will find it easier that way. As you say no, you don’t have to feel guilty or come up with justification why something doesn’t work for you. Save your energy.

We need to follow certain boundaries to participate things or go places we want to do right? We are used to this! Really we are! We follow boundaries all the time. Don’t think this is a foreign concept to you. Boundaries are good…. we don’t really want to see all the unnecessary stuff in certain places right? Thank goodness for places that set clear boundaries. Clear boundaries help us to feel safe and for others to feel safe too.

If we want to keep our quilt clean & fresh then we need to stay clear of the lapping waves of the ocean right? I crossed a boundary taking a picture of the Live Well Live Strong Quilt and to say the least I regretted it. I was traveling in New York and our hotel had no washing machines. Therefore I was uncomfortable carrying around a wet sandy quilt the remainder of the trip. It was humid so it didn’t dry quickly either.

If it is winter time, then I’ll get dressed in winter clothing. If it is summer time then I’ll dress in appropriate summer clothing. We naturally use boundaries all the time without realizing it.

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.”

– Brene Brown

The Boundaries Quilt Block is the 25th of 26 weeks on our Live Well Live Strong Quilt Sew Along!  Remember you can join in on the sew along anytime or make the Live Well Live Strong Quilt at your own pace.

Setting healthy boundaries in your life will look different for each one of us. It’s okay to set boundaries! I can set boundaries with my children without them even knowing. For example, when I ask them to do something… I don’t at first really ask. Yes… you heard me right. I say to them, “Hey we will be doing yard work later today or on Saturday.” Then I’ll say on Saturday morning, “You might not want to wear anything too special as we will be doing yard work at 11 am.” Then just a fair warning… “Fifteen minutes until we do yard work.” Then the hard core request, “Time to do yard work everyone – let’s make our house look great.” If at that time everyone isn’t moving their bodies to go outside then I’ll give them their specific assignment and expect them to immediately get the move on to outside. I have NEVER explained this to my kids, but they respond to it. I am not an “arm chair” parent where I make requests and sit on the couch and wait for them to do it. If I have made a legitimate request, then I will be up hand over hand assisting them. And they know I will be coming towards them to assist them to get moving. Now seriously, I am not a scary mom. TMI

Remember I mentioned earlier that other people do not need to know the boundaries I have set with them. I can decide to not gossip with another person but just changing the subject when the time comes. I am not a Savior of the world to go around telling people how to act. I just set boundaries with people without them knowing. I change my approach to a problem and take responsibility for allowing myself to be vulnerable. If we open the doors then we are vulnerable to be taken advantage of. I have had my fair share of that… but I just reset my boundaries or approach to a situation.

There are times when we do need to set verbal boundaries with others. When I work from home, I set boundaries about interruptions if my door may be closed. A boundary might look like that. I know this is corny… but I have set a very firm boundary in our home that we don’t intentionally hurt another person’s feelings. I know it sounds stupid. There is another boundary that we NEVER physically harm each other. My home before I was 8 years of age had a lot of violence so this is a thing that my children know I am very serious about.

Okay… don’t “intentionally” hurt another person’s feelings…. I know that is a hard one… but I really want my home to be a safe place for my family and others to come to as an escape from the world. Our home is obviously part of the world, but I want my home to be refuge and a safe place. By having this boundary my children have learned to express their natural frustrations without harming another person’s self esteem. I just feel like this is a good skill to learn as an individual and they should learn it when they are young. Nothing can be more miserable than being married to someone for a lifetime to just have them verbally abuse you. But you have to take ownership in a relationship if you are accepting or dishing the verbal abuse out.

Cory and I are a second marriage and we cherish our marriage enough to let each other know well… “We may have a suggestion”…. I can say things without attacking him or his character. It takes discipline, but you can think of creative ways to approach a sensitive topic. Another approach might be to just let things go from annoying me. Like picking up dirty socks… I just grateful to have someone to pick up socks for. So I let my annoyance to pick up socks go. Cory’s snoring doesn’t bother me because well I’m just grateful he is laying next to me in bed and really his snoring is a sound of safety that he has locked up the house and we can all go to bed. Sometimes our boundaries can be a matter of perspective.

Now if we are living with someone that has an addiction or abuse, there may need to be a verbal conversation about boundaries and maybe possibly even a written contract. I have only shared my boundary approaches as an example.

We need to set boundaries and then if someone oversteps a boundary redefine how we respond. My kids have had many friendships that have soured and then they politely redefined their relationship with that person without things having to be nasty or unkind. We are all unique human being with many different needs. I know there are people that might be able to tolerate me and my style of living and then there are others that can’t. I don’t take offense – we are just all different like from Winnie the Pooh, Tiger and Eeyore.

Remember to set healthy boundaries with others so you are treated the way you need to be treated. We are all special and need to keep a safe environment to thrive in.

There are times that we need to be more intuitive to other people’s needs. We need to build our social intelligence. When you feel someone possibly setting boundaries then we just follow it. We don’t need to be constantly in other people’s space. If we lean back just a little bit and respect a boundary then the other individual may feel safe and not pull away. Does that make sense?

We also need to set boundaries for how we want to live. Are we going to raise our family getting drunk every day? Probably not. But…. we set boundaries for how we want to live according to our values and possibly our faith. For each one of us the boundaries will be unique.

Customize your own personal challenge.  Let’s not overwhelm ourselves.  Take tiny steps towards a good thing. Reward yourself with a quiet moment closing your eyes; feel good about yourself including your body & mind. Remember slow and steady wins the race and is sustainable.

Another challenge thought – can you unconditionally love someone by setting healthy boundaries? Just a thought…. Remember to always keep going. Keep moving forward. Have confidence that with time & healthy spaces you set healthy boundaries to thrive that is natural to your spirit.

Watch the Live Video Tutorial for step by step instructions!

Share a photo of your completed Boundary Quilt Block in the Everyone Can Quilt Facebook Group or Instagram https://www.instagram.com/stitchesquilting/ and use the hashtag #livewelllivestrongquilt.  If you feel comfortable share a photo that represents a positive step in an Genuine Challenge.  Let’s inspire each other!

Follow Stitches Quilting on Facebook, Instagram & YouTube for reminders to find the positive in life. Engage and make comments that can lift and empower others to a positive space. Comments on other people’s posts in the Live Well Live Strong Sew Along to encourage them too.

The Live Well Live Strong Quilt includes 26 quilt blocks focused on Women’s Health in Wellness. The ideal form is to focus & build on each one of these topics is one at a time. Slow and steady growth is sustainable. Join the sew along at any time making each block and focusing on your own growth.

Next week’s block is the Shine Quilt Block!  If you haven’t yet, purchase your Live Well Live Strong Quilt Pattern! Purchase Your Pattern HERE!

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Many happy wishes for a week filled with Healthy Boundaries!

  Live Well Live Strong!  XOXO! Deanna

Learn more about the LWLS Sew Along 

Next Week’s Shine Quilt Block Week & Worksheet!